Why would anyone want to say “no” to AA or Alcoholics Anonymous, the world’s largest support group for “alcoholism addiction“?  The biggest difference between Alcoholics Anonymous and non 12-step groups is that AA is a faith based program and the others aren’t. In a nutshell, if you don’t have a faith in God (or in a Higher Power), you may have difficulty working 12 step programs. Fortunately, some recovery methods have been developed which are not faith based. Why are there meetings other than Alcoholics Anonymous? Some people have real difficulties with the spirituality part of AA because they are atheists, agnostics or because they believe in a religious teaching which doesn’t mesh with AA’s program and the focus on a higher power. They don’t connect with the program. Alcoholics Anonymous is not for everybody, but it isn’t trying to be all things to all people. Perhaps the reason some people say no to the AA paradigm is the fact that they are discouraged and expected a program that could help them. You can say no to AA and look into non 12-step programs.

How do you measure whether a support group or meeting is a good one? Perhaps the biggest measure is whether the group helps you achieve your goals with the least amount of negative influences. How to help an alcoholic may have its answer in attending helpful meetings. When one leaves a meeting, he/she should feel that some piece of knowledge about his/her struggle was obtained. Insight was found. Almost every meeting should leave you feeling better than when you started the meeting.  Say “no” to meetings that leave you feeling “down” or negative.

There are facts and opinions floating around the internet regarding the success rate of Alcoholics Anonymous. Some say 5% or 1 in 20 recover through AA; another source says that only 5% of newcomers remain in AA after a year.  Where are statistics for non 12-step organizations?  Notice how no one is really providing adequate documentation and statistics? Why does it matter? Well, most people would not invest their time and energy in a program known for poor results. Think about it. When you investigate claims about a group or organization, find the truth by going to the information source. Don’t take anyone’s word for it. Just say no to AA or any group if it fails to meet your criteria or expectations.

At times, some AA groups get quite large and number over 100 people. When this happens, groups are split into smaller groups so everyone can take part. Most often, people come together in large numbers (100+) only for speaker meetings. Regardless of the meeting size, everyone wants to take their turn by saying what happened to them in the previous week. Almost always, the message of Alcoholics Anonymous is lost because these people demand to be heard, and talk about all their failures. These are the kind of meetings where saying no to attending AA makes sense. Walking away confused and irritated after a meeting is contrary to our reason for attending.

One group of about forty met in their AA meeting with many young people and a few old timers. In the group there were two individuals who should have been removed from the group. AA did not provide a framework for governing and dealing with these men. One man tried to be the sponsor of every teenage boy who came into the meeting. He molested one 15-year old boy and the group did nothing. Also, a man in his 20’s had been a sponsor for a few young teen females in an attempt to have sex with them (men aren’t supposed to sponsor women). In summary, the group became a “meat market” with the sole focus of “picking up” new members to AA. This kind of group may be more common than one believes and requires that the parents of teens go to meetings to safeguard their own children from predators. Just say no to attending this kind of dysfunctional Alcoholics Anonymous meeting – watch out for predators in any kind of meeting.

A small number of alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous have arisen for various reasons. One helps the newcomer reduce his/her drinking to the point where it doesn’t cause them harm. Some are abstinence oriented such as AA while others focus on methods of alcohol moderation. If you choose to continue drinking, even at a lower level, then AA will not be a good choice. Most of the non 12-step groups have cognitive behavioral therapy as a main treatment approach. Essentially, the non-AA programs show people another way to think, and that change in thinking results in changed behavior. Finding a non-AA group near you may be difficult because there aren’t many groups as compared to AA. Do you want to “work your program” over the phone by yourself because meetings are nonexistent where you live? Or drive an hour to a meeting or therapy? If it’s a good meeting, the effort to attend will be worth it. Check out your alternatives completely before closing the door to past programs.

If you have questions about responsible drinking in your family or concerned about excessive use of alcohol, please visit the following website: http://www.habitdoc.com/.

Part I

I was always a nice girl in elementary/middle school. I got good grades, had a few friends, and for the most part lived an ordinary everyday life. It wasn’t until I got into high school I got more aggressive.

1st School – There was a girl who sold drugs in school. There are police officers stationed outside of the bathrooms. They smelled marijuana smoke. When I exited the restroom they asked if I was smoking, I told them no.

The next day this girl, whom I didn’t know at all, comes up to me and starts calling me a snitch. I lost it and got into a fight with her. I was asked to leave the school.

For the next two years I was completely good. I got good grades, stayed out of trouble, and so on so forth. I was transferred to a new school, you could say it was "nicer" (no metal detectors). I recently had a falling out with one of my classmates. She says I was talking shit about her. I wasn’t and so on so forth.

I got an anonymous call the other week. I didn’t answer it and got a voicemail: "Watch out bitch, you talk a lot of shit let’s see if you can back it up." I absolutely do not want to get into any confrontation with this girl. On my last day of school my counselor said I had much promise in getting into NYU (There was a NYU profressor of English literature who sat in our Humanities class and assigned a paper about the Vietnam War. I got a 100% and 2 page comment about how he liked it very much). This is my chance to get out of the situation I am. I grew up very poor and want nothing more then to get out of what I’ve known for so long — poverty, violence, and so on so forth. I know if I even lay a finger on this girl they’re going to send me to an alternative school.

I feel so hopeless. I don’t know what to do? My brother dropped out of high school. My uncle dropped out of high school and has a lengthy criminal record. My cousin dropped out and had a baby at 16. This is my chance to make it out and I feel so hopeless.

Advice?

Call the cops on the girl that called you, it’s the best revenge. Yeah, it sounds like snitching but you can ask the cops to keep you anonymous and you’re the one who’s gonna be laughing when she’s sitting in a jail cell.

If no, why?
If yes? why?

Remember, this would not CHANGE the words that are already in the Big Book, it would ADD this as an acceptable alternative.
to Saint of Sorts: you say the gender of the pronoun doesn’t matter. With all due respect, please SPEAK FOR YOURSELF! It matters a lot to me, and to many millions of women. You are a man, of course it doesn’t matter to you! Your gender is the one they are using to the EXCLUSION OF MINE!
to all: the Higher Power is NOT undefined. It is referred to in the preamble to meetings as "He" and it is THAT which needs changing. My Higher Power is NOT male. I don’t say another’s can’t be male, but they can’t exclude mine. It should be either be He AND She, or neither.

(((Lady M)))

My blessed friend…it seems as this is something you have been struggling with. Know that i support you.
It is in the traditions that each group may do their own thing.

It is when we first come in that we are told to look for the similarities, and not the differences…. while it may seem important to you right now….i think that people with long time quality sobriety have the wisdom of already knowing that we cannot define god or the higher power as a pronoun.

We each, as individuals, have the choice to use the He/She/It
and can exercise it at will.

It is very hard to get anything added to or taken from the big book, as it has helped so many just the way it is…they did change the original "how it works". After much debate.

Many will use the arguement, why put in print when it is something that we already know…?

Take a deep breath, don’t forget to exhale, and just dont use or drink today….and know that things will be just as they are meant to…

Blessings to you

)o( Trinity

Fortunately, there are a number of alternatives–I’ll provide a link below.

Now, with that said, it does not sound right now as though your daughter has any intention of quitting. If she doesn’t want to quit, it doesn’t matter what you do or what program she uses or whatever–she isn’t going to quit. Frankly, I was already quite the alcoholic at your daughter’s age but didn’t quit drinking until I was 38; that’s how long it took for me to "get it" that I just can’t drink safely.

n, which, if practiced as a way of life, allow all persons to incorporate these great spiritual principles into their very lives so that the spiritual life becomes a part of their very being. Once adopted in a disciplined and consistent way, these Steps will change the lives of even the most devout and faithful Christian. Surrender to God throughout each day, devotion to God’s service and way of life, effective discipleship, a feeling of love and tolerance for all, and, the spiritual solution to all of life’s problems and worries are the natural and inevitable results of working and continuing to work these Steps. The serious, life-threatening problems of drug addiction and alcoholism will be solved for so long as he remains spiritually fit. Our Lord Jesus said: “Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap.” Lk 21: 34
The addicted person is very ill. This illness is both a physical malady and a malady of the spirit. It is characterized by a powerful denial of the existence of any problem and an inability to stop using and abusing mind-altering substances. The addicted person has literally lost the ability to control his drinking or drugging; he has become powerless to stop destroying his life and the lives of those around him. In most cases, something more than prayer and repentance is necessary to activate the spiritual answer to this problem. Human solutions seldom suffice and despite the valiant efforts of those devoted professionals and clergy who try to help him, he continues on the path of self-destruction. Self-knowledge does not alleviate the problem nor does fear of the consequences of continued drinking and drugging provide a solution. The answer must come from the intervention and grace of a loving Gad. The addicted person has but two alternatives: to go on to the bitter end or to accept a spiritual way of life! This program will lead the addicted person on a path of spiritual growth and regeneration which will bring him to a full and unconditional surrender to Gad and provide him with the tools to lead a spiritual way of life in all things. Millions of alcoholics and drug addicts have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body by following the directions which are set out in this work. The simple fact is that nobody who works these Steps with a good heart, thoroughly and honestly, ever fails to achieve sobriety. Continued sobriety is, however, achieved only through the continued and consistent use of the Steps as a way life. These Twelve Steps are derived from the great spiritual principles set forth in the Holy Bible and are a practical expression of those principles in the form of action to be taken which will set the sufferer free from the ravages of his addiction to mindaltering substances far the rest of his life. The Christian who practices these Steps as a way of life will be giving full expression to his faith.

STEP ONE
“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior” Col 1: 21
“Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift” 2Co 9: 15
“But to each of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it” Eph 4: ?
“You see, at just the right time, when we were powerless, Christ died for the ungodly” Ro 5: 6

“WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL(OR DRUGS), THAT OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE”
Drug and alcohol addiction is both a physical and a spiritual malady. The physical illness can only be arrested by continued abstinence and the addicted person must come to understand and accept that he can never again use mind-altering substances for the rest of his life. There can be no reservations of any sort about this crucial fact. Without this acceptance, the First Step cannot be completed and the rest of the Steps will be impossible to achieve. The vain hope that alcohol or drugs may be safely used at some future time will disable the sufferer from realizing sobriety through the working of the rest of the Steps.

The First Step requires that the addicted person have conceded to his innermost self that he is an alcoholic or drug addict, again without reservations of any kind. This concession is not one which can be forced on the person nor will a confession made at a the time of great contrition following a binge have any lasting value. Any attempt to shame or frighten the addicted person into admitting his problem will be equally ineffective. Quite simply, the admission of addiction and the acceptance of the permanent nature of the need for abstinence will only come to the sufferer as a gift of God! The real question is: How do we go about preparing ourselves to receive this gift? The answer to this question will set the stage for working all of the Steps.

The addicted person must come to understand that he is spiritually sick; spiritually bankrupt. That he is blocked off from God through the mental illness which is the hallmark of the alcoholic or addict and that he is powerless over his addiction in every sense of the word. The first requirement is that he overcome the denial of his problem and that he be entirely ready to stop drinking or drugging. He must see that , despite all his efforts, he cannot manage his life himself. He must sincerely want help and be willing to go to whatever lengths are necessary in order to receive help. That help must come ultimately from God.

The addicted person must prepare himself to receive this gift by reading about his physical disease and his spiritual bankruptcy, by reading about how others have recovered, by discussing recovery with persons who have recovered through God’s grace, by meeting regularly with recovered people and earnest and frequent prayer asking God’s help to be relieved of the obsession and his rebellion and defiance of Him.

For the person whose faith has fled in the face of adversity or the one who has never developed a faith in God, this business of prayer is all-important! He must be willing to pray even though he has little or no faith in the power of God to heal him. He must pray even though he has no conception of the God to whom he prays. He must be willing to believe that there just
might be a God who loves him and wants only the best for him and who is just waiting for him to open the door even a little. If he prays to God who might just exist, he will find that God will answer his prayers and he will receive the gifts of concession, admittance and acceptance. He may then move on to Step Two.

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Most addictions are overcome by themselves. Drugs, alcohol….. all conquered by themselves. Don’t let this "you are powerless" bullshit get to you. It’s all religious and total nonsense. You are the most powerful of them all. No one can knock out addiction like yourself. Fuck these other outlets, they lie.

http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/other/crimlawclean.htm

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I decided to try ala-teen to help how bad it hurts me etc but its sooo darn religious! I don’t belive in god or any of that spiritual stuff. please don’t judge. I went to one meeting & most of it seemed like a bunch of churchy nonsense… I cannot relate to alot of the the 12 steps or twelve traditions b/c they don’t mesh with my beliefs and are too religious.

THE TWELVE STEPS

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11. Sought though prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

-Reprinted with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

THE TWELVE TRADITIONS

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

6. An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

————-
is there a non religious alternative? I mean what does "god" have to with my mom being a drunk? She refuses treatment and I just need a some support without being so religious about it

There are many, actually! The 12-steps didn’t work for me, and haven’t worked for many others I know. I understand where you’re coming from – they are ultra-churchy and largely against science. In fact, they made me want to drink, because they made the struggle seem so pointless and futile. SOS helped me quit drinking, and I’ve been sober for many years now. Good for you, though, for taking care of yourself and seeking support.

Try: SOS, secular organization for sobriety

http://www.secularsobriety.org/

http://www.secularsobriety.org/family.html

Lifering is another good one

http://www.unhooked.com/index.htm

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/4013-alternatives-al-anon.html

All of these organizations offer services for family members of the addicted. They are much different than AA/NA, and in my mind, far more positive. They ecshew the "terminal disease" model, and give you some hope. You can find locations of meetings in your area at their sites. If it works for you, you may consider mentioning them to the family member who is still suffering.