is there an alternative to A.A (alcoholics anonymous)?
My daughter used to get into trouble sometimes for drinking at parties and coming home drunk. it was always a problem and we sent her to first a teen aa meeting and then an adult AA meeting. she is 17 and AA is not working for her. she is drinking it more than ever now, when i try to stop her or get mad at her she throws quotes from the AA bible at me about how I am the problem, how SHE has a disease that i don’t understand, etc. she has even been getting drunk WITH some of the men who she met at the AA meetings! this is terrible. UI hate AA, i wish there was an alternative to alcoholics anonymous.
I am a former alcoholic, sober 11 years. And I agree with you–I think AA is absolutely horrible, especially for teenagers; there is no way I would want a teenager to go into that nest of vipers. I think Al-Anon is pretty awful too.
Fortunately, there are a number of alternatives–I’ll provide a link below.
Now, with that said, it does not sound right now as though your daughter has any intention of quitting. If she doesn’t want to quit, it doesn’t matter what you do or what program she uses or whatever–she isn’t going to quit. Frankly, I was already quite the alcoholic at your daughter’s age but didn’t quit drinking until I was 38; that’s how long it took for me to "get it" that I just can’t drink safely.
December 8th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
If you have the money, send her to rehab. but honestly she will not stop drinking until she decides its time to stop….its sad but true. im sorry your having to go through that.
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December 8th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Put her in a coma.
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December 8th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Firstly, alcoholism is NOT a disease. CANCER is a disease. Alcoholism is a made-up, trumped-up mental malady to sucker you into Christianity.
I was forced to go to NA classes in Wisconsin, for smoking marijuana (straight out of Half Baked, but seriously). While there, three times a week for thirteen weeks, I was threatened with being kicked out of the program at least once a week, for loudly decrying AA for being the cult that it is.
Being an Atheist, I am in no way going to admit there’s a higher power than me; there ISN’T. From that point all, all 12 Steps were meaningless.
Stan from South Park said it pretty well. If you spend your life avoiding something you enjoy, you prove that it still has power over you. If you want a drink, HAVE a drink. Have TWO if it makes you happy. But, be responsible and control your pleasure; don’t let it control you.
You are definitely making it harder for your daughter. You BELIEVE the hype. You think she has a disease, when she simply lacks willpower and discipline.
Let me let you in on something. People make a common misperception that withdrawal symptoms are the only indicator of addiction. Not true. Not everyone who is labeled as an alcoholic is an addict. They just have very carefully worded questions that ensure that ANYONE who has more than three drinks a week would qualify as an alcohol-dependent, if not a straight out addict.
Finally, why are you surprised that your daughter met a few drunks in AA? What were you expecting? Buddhists? Nice, sweet, wonderful church-goers and PTA moms?
My recommendation is to get drunk with your daughter. Or, just make her stay in the house for the evening, and either YOU get shìtty drunk and make an àss of yourself, or just act like you are.
No one wants to turn into their parents. Show her how she is going to turn out if she maintains the course she’s on.
And if nothing else, get religion as far away from her as possible. She hardly needs to replace one addiction with one that’s even more destructive and evil.
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December 8th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
AA is not working because you want it to work and quite honestly it sounds like she is not bothered. Any addict (alcohol is a strong drug) must admit they have a problem and want to change before any programme is going to work. You cannot send her to AA she must want to go herself. Al Anon involves the person and the family members going together and working through the issues. Many rehabs don’t use the 12 steps but use a person centered approach. Another option is individual counselling and I am sure there are many others. For me it took 12 years to work through my issues and the crux of the matter is it only started to work when I decided in my own mind that I was harming myself and i wanted my life back.
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December 8th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
she’s not going to quit until she wants to
all the aa in the world ain’t gonna do shit if she herself doesn’t want to quit
just be there for her
just tell her how concerned you are for her
if she told you that you are the problem then ask her what you are doing or not doing
but don’t yell at her and don’t get defensive even if she yells at you and don’t blame her for anything even if it is her fault
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December 8th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
The disease concept is very debatable. It is not unusual for problem drinkers, especially younger ones, to have more cognitive problems rather than physical ones. A lot of young people (not all) will transcend their youthful difficulties, but when they attend AA that opportunity is removed as they will label theselves as alcoholics for life etc.
There is an alternative. Although in my view it is not perfect. Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. I was in AA when I was 21 yrs old, last drink when I was 23 and now I am 50 yrs old. Which was quite young in those days. I left AA when I was 12 yrs sober because I didn’t believe the AA program was keeping me sober and also did not address the underlying problems that influenced my choice to drink destructively. The disease concept is of no use to me. When I was 20 yrs sober I found Rational Emotive Behviour Therapy, which I have since been trying to understand and apply. Not to drinknig, but to the underlying influences. It, for me, has been much harder worrk than the 12 steps and it is not an easier route in appearance.
There is a free online resource aimed at addcition that uses REBT. It is called smartrecovery.org. If your daughter isn’t ready now, perhaps if you acqaint yourself a little with smartrecovery.org she might be in the future.
With regard to her blaming you. It is not unusual for parents to be very fallible and often in very different ways to others. My own upbringing did have an effect and did influence my choice to drink. However, I do not blame my parents. They werre not bad, but fallible human beings who did the best they could at that time in that era. And they like me, have to take responsiblity for what they have been dealt with, both genetically and with the imperfect parents, schools, peers etc. that we all get varying degrees of – and in that context, we all do the best we can and blame is unecessary and inappropriate. In my opinion.
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26 yrs sober
December 9th, 2009 at 12:21 am
I am a former alcoholic, sober 11 years. And I agree with you–I think AA is absolutely horrible, especially for teenagers; there is no way I would want a teenager to go into that nest of vipers. I think Al-Anon is pretty awful too.
Fortunately, there are a number of alternatives–I’ll provide a link below.
Now, with that said, it does not sound right now as though your daughter has any intention of quitting. If she doesn’t want to quit, it doesn’t matter what you do or what program she uses or whatever–she isn’t going to quit. Frankly, I was already quite the alcoholic at your daughter’s age but didn’t quit drinking until I was 38; that’s how long it took for me to "get it" that I just can’t drink safely.
References :
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=28817&cn=14
December 9th, 2009 at 12:41 am
AA is great but not for the young. Send her to a place where she can dry out and gather her thoughts for her future. 4-6 months at a teen work program can be a great motivator. The program puts the teen in a safe, structured work environment which in turn can help initiate the teen to work and cooperate in a positive manner. The core of the program is teaching individuals how to construct homes at the local Habitat for Humanity and work in a community setting along with local residents and volunteers from around the world. Projectme is located in Cebu, which is in the central part of the Philippines. The life-style in this part of the country is simple and very safe. The teens will acquire a new appreciation and sense of gratitude while participating and observing how difficult life can be for people in other parts of the world. Amazing results can be achieved when combining the self-reliant work ethic of the program while interacting with those who are less fortunate in the host country.
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http://www.projectme.info