AA Is Not The Only Way

http://www.mayoclinic.com

I’ve been dating this woman for more than a year. She spent her 20’s drunk and high, but she’s been sober for ten years. Now she is having trouble with business reverses (she’s in real estate) and is depressed. So her dad, always ready to insure her continued dependency, and himself hardly a role model of functional sobriety, has convinced her to go back to AA after five years without AA and ten years not drinking. The program is making her increasingly weird, self-centered, helpless, isolated. AA is becoming her whole life. I’ve studied the mind control cults and what she describes at AA really smacks of religious zombification a la the Moonies. Example: We were going to the symphony for a Led Zeppelin tribute, but she’s cancelled because her women’s AA group is having a retreat this weekend and gave her this "you have to decide whether you’re committed to working on your problems or to going to this concert." And they finally compromised and told her they would "allow" her to go to the concert, but had to return to the retreat immediately afterwards. Her other friends are reporting that she’s stopped doing things with them, returning her calls, etc. It’s her choice of course, but this really seems to be only adding to her problems, not helping. I’m thinking about moving on. I have real feelings for her and hate to see her spend the rest of her life at an AA pity party just because her dad wants company in his misery, but I’m not sure what to do or how to make this better. Any ideas? Experience with AA?
Wow. I appreciate all the answers, Obviously there are mixed feelings out there about AA. I realize this is her thing and while her past with alcohol and drugs is not about me, this relationship is not jsut about her either, and certainly isn’t about her past addiction to alcohol, one she whipped ten years ago, as much as it is about an addiction to seeking her emotionally unavailable daddy’s approval.
So these are the characteristics of a mind-control cult:

1. Religious Orientation, Supernatural Beliefs
2. Irrationality, Rigidity, Anti-Intellectualism
3. A Charismatic Leader
4. A Hierarchical, Authoritarian Structure
5. Submission of the Individual to the "Will of God"
6. Dogmatism, the Ultimate Truth
7. Separatism
8. Exclusivity (The Only Path To Salvation)
9. Self-Absorption (Primary Focus Is the Cult Itself)
10. Economic Exploitation
11. Possessiveness (Go To Great Lengths to Retain Members)
12. Mind Control Techniques; Intimidation
13. A Closed, All-Encompassing Environment (Physical)
14. Deceptive Recruitment Techniques (Deception; Set Up "Fronts")
15. Manipulation Through Guilt
16. Millennarianism (The End Is Near)
17. Harassment and Assurance of Doom for Apostates

Sounds like AA to me. I think I’m gonna move on if this continues. There’s nothing attractive about having the rest of my life orbiting someone’s drug addiction.

AA is not a fully blown mind control cult like the moonies, but it has widespread coercive influence over vulnerable people. There are also a lot of members who drank partly because they hold rigid ways of viewing things and instead of resolving this when they sober up, they simply ‘rigidly’ believe in the AA proposition. It is often unfortunate. If you can get your girlfriend to look a smartrecovery.org this is a much more rational approach in my view.

But it is considered perfectly fine to make jokes about the Irish being alcoholics ? Why the double standards ?

People celebrate St. Patrick’s day HOW?????

Alcohol is heavily taxed. Should some or all of those taxes be used to fund treatment centers for alcoholism?

A big yes from an alcoholic who has used them

I’m an alcoholic (there, I’ve admitted it) and I’ve been like this for years. I really don’t care what other people say because I like to drink. Lately, I’ve had this realization that maybe I need some help in order to become sober. My little girl is growing up so fast and I just realized that I can’t let her have a drunkard for a father. Please help me.

Man, I’m proud of you. Admitting that you need help is your first step to recovery. I’m glad that you want to be sober for your daughter. I think it will also be better if you choose to be sober for yourself. Anyway, just click on the links I’ve posted to help you with your questions about alcoholic treatments. Good luck to you.

Me and my mother are having this debate. She says alcoholism is a disease. I disagree. I think it’s an addiction that can cause a disease – such as liver damage, etc. But do not think it’s a disease on its own. To me, saying that alcoholism is a disease is like saying an addiction like smoking is a disease. Just trying to get some thoughts on this.

I should also add that my father, who I love to death, is an alcoholic and I am not saying anything bad about people who are alcoholics. I know it’s a horrible addiction. I’m really just trying to see what other people think. Thank you!!

I always thought that calling alcoholism a disease was kind of weird too. But if we look at the definition of the word, and its etymology, we see that in fact it is a disease.

American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language say:

NOUN:

1. A pathological condition of a part, organ, or system of an organism resulting from various causes, such as infection, genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms.
2. A condition or tendency, as of society, regarded as abnormal and harmful.
3. Obsolete: Lack of ease; trouble.

Wikipedia says:

A disease or medical condition is an abnormality of the body or mind that causes discomfort, dysfunction, distress, or death to the person afflicted or those in contact with the person. Sometimes the term is used broadly to include injuries, disabilities, disorders, syndromes, infections, symptoms, deviant behaviors, and atypical variations of structure and function, while in other contexts these may be considered distinguishable categories. Literally, a disease refers to the invasion of the body by pathogens.

I say:

The way we use the word today often indicates an infection, but if you look at the word, you can see how generally it can be used; dis-ease, or without ease.

Sorry about your Dad, it runs in my family and friends as well.

After being a member for nine years, I certainly think so.

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-cult.html

http://donewithaa.wordpress.com/

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=9527

Anyone know of an alcoholics anonymous application for my blackberry? Specifically, I am looking for a meeting schedule app that I can download to my phone. Any help is appreciated.

The closest thing I could find for you was a AA book for the blackberry. It doesn’t look like it has anything to do with scheduling or meeting locations though.
I will keep searching for you..

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Patrick Wayne Swayze (August 18, 1952) is a three-time Golden Globe-nominated American actor, dancer and singer-songwriter. Son of Patricia “Patsy” Yvonne Helen (née Karnes) — a choreographer, dance instructor, and dancer — and Jesse Wayne Swayze, an engineering drafter. Although the surname “Swayze” is of Norman French origin, he is of mainly Irish descent, as well as some Apache ancestry. His brother, Don Swayze, is also an actor.

Until age 20, Swayze lived in the Oak Forest neighborhood of Houston, where he attended St. Rose of Lima Catholic School, Oak Forest Elementary School, Black Middle School, and Waltrip High School. During this time, he also pursued multiple artistic and athletic skills, such as ice skating, classical ballet and acting in school plays. He studied gymnastics at nearby San Jacinto College for two years. In 1972, he moved to New York City to complete his formal dance training at the Harkness Ballet and Joffrey ballet schools.

Swayze has been married to Lisa Niemi since 1975. The couple first met in 1970, when Lisa, then age 16, was taking dance lessons from Swayze’s mother. Niemi was born in Houston, Texas to her Finnish-American parents, Edmond Melvin Haapaniemi and Edna Karin Hyttinen. As a reaction to his father’s death by heart attack, in 1982, Swayze began to drink heavily. His sister Vicky passed away in 1994, leading him to seek treatment for alcoholism. After initial recovery, he temporarily withdrew from show business, retreating to his ranches in California and Las Vegas, New Mexico, to breed Arabian horses. His best-known horse was the late Tammen, a chestnut Arabian stallion.

Swayze, a licensed pilot with an instrument rating, made the news again on June 1, 2000 while flying with his dogs in his twin-engine Cessna from Van Nuys, California to Las Vegas, New Mexico. His plane developed a pressurization problem over northern Arizona, causing Swayze to make a precautionary landing on a dirt road in a housing complex in Prescott Valley. The plane’s right wing struck a light pole that he hadn’t seen from the air, but Swayze was unharmed. He locked up the cockpit, left it parked in the subdivision, and obtained a ride (with his dogs) from a passing vehicle, allegedly in order to telephone the authorities. According to the police report, witnesses said that Swayze appeared to be extremely intoxicated and asked for help to remove evidence (including an open bottle of wine and a 30-pack of beer) from the crash site.

He also made himself unavailable to police for several hours. It was later determined that the alcohol in question was not in the cabin but stored in external storage compartments inaccessible in flight and that the alleged “intoxication” was due to the effects of hypoxia during descent. He has followed several spiritual traditions. Brought up a Roman Catholic, he has also studied the Bahá’í Faith, Buddhism and Scientology.

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